Bear Necessity: A Novel by James Gould-Bourn

Author:James Gould-Bourn [Gould-Bourn, James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner
Published: 2020-08-04T03:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 20

Later that evening, once Will had gone to sleep, or pretended to have gone to sleep while secretly playing on his iPad, Danny flicked through the notebook that he’d used to scribble down his panda messages. In between his own words he’d hurriedly written as much of Will’s half of the conversation as he could remember so that he was left with a document that, although far from perfect, nevertheless served as some kind of record of what could be the last conversation he might ever have with his son. Certain words and sentences were underlined roughly. “He doesn’t know anything about me.” “Strangers.” “Maybe he wants to forget about her.” “He never talks about her anymore.” Each one hurt him in different ways, but the one that inflicted the most pain was the single word he’d encircled several times. “Mum was like my friend, but my dad is just my dad,” read the full sentence, but it was that one word—“just”—that Danny kept returning to. He didn’t find it hurtful because it was cruel or unfair. What hurt him was that he knew it was true. He was just his dad. He wasn’t a friend. He didn’t know him like his mother did. Liz was like an encyclopedia of Will. She knew everything from his shoe size to his opinions on who would win in a fight between a stegosaurus and a triceratops. She knew the way he liked his hair cut. She knew where he was most ticklish. She knew the names of every single one of his stuffed toys from when he was younger, even when Will himself had forgotten them (or pretended he’d forgotten them). She knew his favorite foods, she knew his favorite color, she knew what he was afraid of, and she knew what she was most likely to find in his pockets on any given day. She knew which chocolate he would choose if presented with a tin of Cadbury Roses and she knew what he’d do with the wrapper afterwards. If Will disappeared in a time machine, Liz knew which period in history she’d most likely find him in, as well as which castle. She knew what dessert he’d choose in a restaurant, she knew what sort of surgery he’d perform on a Burger King Whopper, and she knew what piece he would choose in Monopoly as well as what streets he would buy. But having spent so much of Will’s life working all the hours he could get, not because of his love for the job but because he wanted his son to have a better life than his own, Danny knew none of these things. It had never occurred to him that by working all the time he was in some ways denying Will a father. Not that there was much he could have done about it. Overtime wasn’t a choice for Danny. He couldn’t pick it up when he needed it and pass it up when he didn’t. Danny always needed it, so he always took it.

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